Swag

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

My new website

I now have a new website. It is all about wine....It is still under construction...come visit it every once in a while.


texaswinos.com

Monday, November 2, 2009

My Review of Spiderina Belt

Originally submitted at ShindigZ

Unique Spider Costume!

Spiderina Belt The polyester spider belt has a Velcro opening for storage of keys, lipstick and more!
The spider hat shown is no longer available.


Cool spider

By Barking spider from Cleburne Texas on 11/2/2009

 

5out of 5

Pros: Fits Theme, Easy To Set Up, Attractive

Best Uses: Parties

Describe Yourself: Quality Oriented, Budget Oriented

I was able to make a very original costume with this spider belt. I got many compliments. Best of all, it was affordable.

(legalese)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Caption this picture



Winner gets a lap dance from me.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Dead Weather

My brother posted this on facebook. It is pretty raw.



Enjoy.

Friday, July 24, 2009

RooshV

I tripped across this blog while surfing facebook. All this guys postings are about stratigies to get laid. Amusing reading.

http://www.rooshv.com/my-drinking-strategy

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Insert your weiner here



I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner....than everyone would be in love with MMEEEEEE.....The song the Whited was humming all night last night at the BLOWNSTAR...convention, orgy....whatever

Friday, July 17, 2009

Anti Obama rally in Downtown Cleburne




They had flags and lots of posters. I could not tell if they were Republicans or Libertarians. They definitly hate Obama though...The flavor of the day is the health plan. From what I could see, most of them were already or soon to be on Medicaid....They dont want to be like Canadians....Hmmm.

Dirty old lady




Amusing.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Left leg



I guess if you leave your prothestic leg on the peir while you swim, you have every expectation that the leg will still be there when you return.

Friday, July 10, 2009

DANCING BABIES



This is pretty cool!!

Caption this picture



Please help me caption this picture.....

Monday, July 6, 2009

Thursday, July 2, 2009

US AIRWAYS FLIGHT-NUDE MAN


This guy does not look like he is 50 years old. Everyone on this flight got to see his junk...I wonder if he looks as good from the front as he does from behind?

Michael Jackson tribute



I have mixed feelings about the King of Pop passing. No arguement that he was very talented. But, he sure was a tortured soul. It is very sad.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

ShamWOOHOOHOO

Now this guy I can see getting beat up by a hooker.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

This dog should have been the winner


The Whited posted the ugliest dog winner on his blog. As always though, I do not agree.

This is the hands down winner.

How to create fake abs

This is a very informative video. These abs look amazing.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Crack Spackle

I was in the post office yesterday. There was a man at the fill out your own shit counter. He was having a hard time. Everything he touched went flying in the air. The lady behind the counter could barely keep herself under control....every time he bent over....BUTT CRACK!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A night out with friends

Sometimes nights out are planned and sometimes they just happen. This night was a little of both. I went out with some Co-workers to a favorite hangout called Fred's. They serve great hamburgers and cold beer. And have often been thought to have a very good live music thing going on there too.

I had posted my outing on facebook, and low and behold...a couple of friends showed up. I have to tell you, apart from the $350 pussy cat vet bill story, it was the highlight of the evening.

The band called Celebration...Was how do you say it, Uh, so freakin terrible, the words to describe it are just about beyond me. Let me describe the scene for you...There were alot of groupies there...all unbathed and most had dreds....There was one woman sitting in front of us that had a tattoo on what you might think was her ass. Her pants were flung so low down her backside, several of us were amazed that we did not see the crack of her ass. This was a topic of discussion for several minutes a couple of different times. My nemesis thought she had a 90's generation Patriots tattoo on her butt. You be the judge.



The band was a mixture of Jimmie Hendrix, Grateful Dead, Marley and a little bit of Patsy Cline. It was just dreadful. You could not tap your foot to the music, couldn't snap your fingers to the beat....We applauded when they took their 15 minute break.

The best part of their performance happened before they began playing. One douche with fu**ed up hair, put on a tie die sarong with matching tennis shoes. He went up to the bar and ordered a beverage. I am certain that it was vinegar and water, like I said they guy was a douche. I gave him hell. I asked him if he was like the Scottish? Are you wearing anything under that skirt? No answer. He had no balls.



Lastly, I am really his nemesis. I feel more like an antagonist. It was great fun. We did not talk about any Libertarian issues. Mostly, we just laughed at the dumbass band.

I have obscured my face to keep my anonymity, after all, I am the GREAT FEMBUTTX!!!


Tugwow

This is great...Only from HBO.

Wendy's Fathers day card



Is this cheesy?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Congratulations?? Freds bar Fort Worth

It was a weird experience at Fred's last night. I got to hang out with people that I currently work with...and because of Facebook, a couple of folks that I used to work with showed up too.

The band was really strange...One dude was wearing a sarong (so wrong). He would not tell me if he was wearing underpants or not...I am thinking not.



Here is a link to there web page....they sound a whole lot better on the website than they did live.

I will post pictures later, my good friend Jennifer needs to email them to me.....

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Chain emails-love em or hate them??



Here is the body of the email that I recieved.......

REFUSE NEW COINS

This simple action will make a strong statement.



Please help do this.. Refuse to accept these when they are handed to you.



I received one from the Post Office as change and I asked for a dollar bill instead.



The lady just smiled and said 'way to go' , so she had read this e -mail.



Please help out...our world is in enough trouble without this too!!!!!





U.S.Government to Release New Dollar Coins


You guessed it
'IN GOD WE TRUST' IS GONE!!!
If ever there was a reason to boycott something, THIS IS IT!!!!

DO NOT ACCEPT THE NEW DOLLAR COINS AS CHANGE

Together we can force them out of circulation.



Please send to all on your mailing list!!!

Okay guys.....Dont buy gas on Wed....Dont F**k on Thursday....and NEVER accept legal currency.....dumb asses.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Red house white black people buy furniture



You would think that this was going on in Mississippi...but no...North Carolina...

If it is comfortable for a black man, it is going to be comfortable for a white man too.

This is hilarious!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Cheeto Jesus

I wonder if someone sees Eric Cartman in their poop, if they will get a 2:15 blurb on the local news.

http://cbs11tv.com/video/?id=42232@ktvt.dayport.com

It would go something like this....I was having a real hard time, a lot of straining you know...so I thought I would take a look at it....I was like oh my God....It looks just like Eric Cartman!! Henry, help me get it out of the toilet!! Call all of the local TV stations....This is amazing!!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Wow!! What a weekend!!




Fishing in Lake Texoma on Friday. It was a blast...this was the biggest fish that Trevor caught. We sure did catch some beauties!!



My granddaughter turned 1 this past weekend. Her parents had an amazing party for her. Note: She looks just like her grandma.

And we went to the Texas Rangers baseball game yesterday. It was wonderful. Not too hot, not too cold and the baseball was incredible.


Take your motion sickness pills before watching.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Kermit dead by Swine Flu??




I think this is what really happened.....And then his body was dumped.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Good thing it is an A cup



If it had been one of mine, it would have swallowed up their whole head. Anyone want to try?

Friday, May 8, 2009

Golf



I play golf all of the time. I have never ever come across this particular hazard.

This guy will never get out of the cart.

Please discuss.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Friday, May 1, 2009

Drawing from X to PG



This is pretty cool stuff.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

What is wrong with this picture?



Hmmm, cant figure it out myself....

Monday, April 27, 2009

What is good looking?



Would you consider this guy or maybe gal good looking?

Please discuss.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Moving day



Tomorrow is the day!!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Enough about butts



Enough about butts...I think it has been taken as far as it would go. Now we are going to focus on Asses....Doesnt this guy look like one?

Monday, April 20, 2009

In the butt



The dedication to the butt continues. For your amusement.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Tigger and the butt



There are so many things wrong with this picture.....Lets count the ways....

Friday, April 17, 2009

Snow white and the Butt




What happened to the seventh dwarf? Pretty crappy door? Mine shaft? Ha ha!!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Why raincoats are yellow



Caption this picture

Plumbers butt



This week is dedicated to the female butt. 50% of my readership did not appreciate last weeks theme. Hope you enjoy this weeks!!

Please discuss

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Pacman Butt



To weird to comment on.

Please discuss

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Rahr and the male Butt



I went to Rahr with some friends this afternoon. We had a great time. My nemesis, The Whited, was there. Ask him about his mother on the drums...

We learned that my very good friend only went to Wal-Mart for oil filters, panties and bread. After 3 micro-brewed beers, this was hysterically funny. I guess you had to be there to see the humor...

We did not actually see a butt like this at the brewery, but I am sure that there were plenty like this in seclusion.

A great Saturday. Time for a nap.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

POLITICAL NAKED BUTT



Only the Whited will enjoy this one. Only because the guy has Gore written across his bunghole.

Please discuss

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Naked butt week



I am dedicating the entire week to the male butt.

Please caption this picture.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Viagra and Enzyte




Every lady would like to have a long enough lasting steed. What I mean is this, we want our 17 orgasms and then you need to get finished. Sorry. But that is just the way it is....having a way sore cooch is not a great remembrance of the night before. But having a throbbing little man in the row boat all the next day is.

Barbie at 50



It is about time she has come to reality.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Playing strip poker

I would take these vitimans if it gave my breasts like that.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

What were they thinking



What were they thinking??!! Nothing like wet toilet paper to wipe your ass with....I guess you could also plug your blow dryer into the outlet above the tub if your feeling suicidal.

Good Grief!!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Lady bugs


This is how I would like my life to be. Seems peaceful to me. I would not have a nemisis, the Whited. I wouldnt have to worry about car payments electricity etc. I could just mill around a pole like these lady bugs or twist around a pole like a stripper after the Navy has arrived...Same thing?

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Visiting Mason and shooting a squirrel out of a tree



I was inside the house minding my own business assisting my step-mom cleaning out the laundry room. I was really going at it...I threw away a bunch of crap. When all of the sudden, I heard a gun shot. (We are in the country, so not so unusual) But then I heard another. I went to the sliding glass door to see what was going on.

I saw a young man with a 9mm pistol shooting up into a tree. My step dad reached into his pick up and pulled out his 22 pistol and began shooting up into the tree. A man that I do not know reaches into his truck and pulls out a deer rifle with a scope and begins to carefully aim it. By this point, there have been at least 14 rounds expended. He carefully aims, and fires. He got the fiendish animal up in the tree!! A squirrel.

I did not ask why they were shooting a squirrel. No sense in that. But the events that followed were just as humorous.

I have just purchased an all digital video camera. My youngest son has mastered its use.

The dog, shorty, immediately confiscated the squirrel. It was his. That is when the video documentation began.

In 1 or 2 hour intervals, my son would report to us the status of the squirrel. "Mom, the squirrel has no head!! A couple of hours later: "He has no front legs." This went out throughout the day, until the squirrel was just a tail.

I have been told not to worry...he did not kill the squirrel or dismember it...He was just documenting the progession of events.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Dead squirrel

My son took a lot of video of a dead squirrel while we were on vacation. His granddad and some friends shot it out of a tree. The dog got it and began its progression of becoming nothing but a tail. Maybe I will post the video. But in that vein, here is a cute picture someone sent me....What men do with a dead squirrel and their GI Joes.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Jason Robinson in San Angelo


My brother is a comedian. He will be performing in San Angelo this weekend. We are taking a road trip to go see him. He is funny.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Redneck neighbors



I am getting ready to move in about a month. I have been rather compulsive about getting stuff ready. Last night I was loading my car with boxes and furniture. After I was finished, I sat in my vintage maple rocking chair in the garage, lit a cigar and sipped on some wine. As I was relaxing and contemplating what to load next, here comes one of my neighbors and a motorized cooler.

There is not doubt that it is a cool little vehichle. But it just reinforces the reasons that I am moving. A group of neighbors gather in the driveway accross the street. They all begin to proclaim how neat and "cute" the cooler is. The driver begins to go up and down the street, giving small children rides and doing wheelies.

All this is going on while several beers are swilled, cans are smashed and at least 13 cigerattes were lit and tossed into the street.

Only 30 days until we move......

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Flashing your banana




Funniest thing you will see this week.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Rock hounding in New Mexico


We had a great time wondering around New Mexico for gemstones. We found about a half a bucket of Peridot and two socks of quartz. It was a great trip with lots of memories. We also went to White Sands. Trevor loved it. Los Cruces was fun too. We found a great winery and hung out there for a couple of hours. Came home with a couple of bottles of wine. Here are a couple of clips of our trek to El Paso and New Mexico.

And another


And yet another


Enjoy.

Friday, March 13, 2009

On vacation



See y'all in a week. I wont have any guest bloggers whilst I am away...Nobody could do what I do.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Saggy boobs


Because this blog is dedicated to the ole saggy tit...Here is another for the collection.

Note: Dont have your wedding on a nude beach. Ugly people take their clothes off too.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

An Engineer and a Weiner Dog



Only the Whited will appreciate this.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Spring forward



I hate the time change. Not only for myself, but my 9 year old son. I put him to bed at 9 which is really 8. He was not tired. Thank God it was dark. I am not looking forward to this morning. It is really going to be 5:30 when I wake him up. Yikes.

The Libertarians need to put this on their list of things to fix.

Image from:

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Key board cleaner??



This is advertised as a keyboard cleaner. Looks more like a Dildo on a USB upload....Hmmm, interesting....the possibilities are endless...I took this image from
www.itechnews.net/tag/usb/page/3/

Hello Kitty for real.

If you love me, send me one.(just kidding)